Archive for August, 2009
Collaborative vs. Manipulative Behaviors
Posted by: |Coaching Question: What is the distinction between being “collaborative” and “manipulative”?
We define collaboration as “the mutual engagement of participants in a coordinated effort to achieve a common end goal.” When building and nurturing relationships, we look for the following integrity-driven behaviors:
- Honorable and genuine intentions
- Collaborative spirit
- Company agenda advancement
- Add value and give first
- Transparency
- Long term, mutually beneficial
The definition of manipulation is “to change by artful or unfair means so as to serve one’s purpose.” (Merriam-Webster) The clues that we look for that point to less than integrity-driven behaviors would be:
- Dishonorable and disingenuous intentions
- Exploitative bent
- Personal/hidden agenda advancement
- Take first
- Opacity/opaqueness
- Short term, personally beneficial
One of the best ways to determine if a person is characteristically collaborative or manipulative is to objectively observe his/her behavior during some type of conflict. Among other behaviors, a collaborative person will listen intently to the other party, seek to understand the other person’s point of view and invite feedback when advocating a point. Under no circumstances will an authentic collaborator initiate or engage in behavior that causes harm to the other party.
A manipulative person may initially appear to be genuinely interested in the other person’s point of view, but before too long, the manipulator applies one or more of the following tactics1:
| TACTIC | MANIPULATOR BEHAVIOR |
| Denial | Refuses to admit that they’ve done something harmful or hurtful when they clearly have |
| Selective Inattention | “Plays dumb” or acts oblivious |
| Rationalization | Offers an excuse for engaging in inappropriate or harmful behaviors |
| Diversion | Changes the subject |
| Misrepresenting the Truth | Presents deception as truth |
| Intimidation | Creates self-doubt, anxiousness and submission through guilt tripping and shaming |
| Playing the Victim | Portrays self as innocent to gain sympathy, evoke compassion and get what they want |
| Vilifying the Victim | Tries to make the other person feel like “the bad guy” |
| Playing the Servant Role | Cloaks self-serving agendas in the guise of service to a more noble cause |
| Seduction | Charms, praises, flatters or overtly supports others to get them to loosen their defenses |
| Projecting Blame | Shifts blame for aggressive behavior |
| Minimization | Denies and rationalizes their behavior |
1In Sheep’s Clothing: Understanding and Dealing with Manipulative People, George K. Simon, PhD.
Please share your comments and coaching questions with us!
Delegation Challenged? (Part II)
Posted by: |Tip: As we’ve been helping our clients transform their organizations and teams, we’ve identified our Time Robbers’ ”Top 12 Usual Suspects” list. They are:
- Chronic problems
- Escalations
- Dropped batons
- Decision defense
- Customer complaints
- End runs
- Infighting & territorialism
- MIA/adversarial business partners
- “Squeaky wheel” requests
- Fire fighting
- Knee-jerk reactions
- “In-the-weeds” interactions
The above problematic Time Robbers can usually be traced back to the absence or incompleteness of one or more of the following key organizational sub-strategies:
- Communication
- Collaboration
- Demand and Fulfillment Management
- Talent/People Optimization
- Complaint Management
- Internal Marketing
Is this tip helpful? Do you have other delegation tips? Please share your comments with us! And don’t forget to check out Delegation Challenged? (Part I)!
Delegation Challenged? (Part I)
Posted by: |Technique: As we’re helping our clients transform their organizations and teams, we typically find that those holding formal leadership positions continue to struggle with effective delegation. Actually, leaders tell us that it’s one of their #1 challenges – “If I could just stop doing everything myself and start delegating, I would have more time to…”
- Think and plan strategically
- Develop new and nurture existing customer relationships
- Lead and coach my direct reports and their organizations
- Take on more leadership responsibilities
- Achieve my professional and personal goals and desires
Conduct a Delegation Time Investment Inventory
Step 1: For each assignment that you take on, assess whether it is a positive (+ Time Investor) or negative (-Time Robber) use of your leadership time. Examples of each may include:
| + Time Investors — I’m choosing to personally work on this assignment because: | |
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| - Time Robbers — I’m choosing to personally work on this assignment because: | |
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Step 2: Identify your “top 3” Time Robbers
Step 3: Identify the Root Cause of each of your “top 3” Time Robbers
Step 4: Create and execute your Permanent Correction Plan
Is this technique helpful? Do you have other delegation techniques? Please share your comments with us! And don’t forget to check out Delegation Challenged? (Part II)!
